Shadows

 

Where My Demons Hide: A Conversation

A note before you read:
This post feels risky to share.
It’s raw.
It’s personal.
It exposes parts of me I usually keep tucked away behind polite smiles and spiritual platitudes.

But healing doesn’t happen in hiding.
So I’m sharing this—nervous and hopeful—not because I have it all figured out, but because maybe you’ve felt it too.
Maybe you’re wrestling with your own shadows.
And maybe this will help you feel less alone in the fight.

Some songs don’t just echo in your ears—they echo in your soul. Demons by Imagine Dragons was one of those songs for me. Someone had mentioned recently that this song is "evil" but that's not how I remembered it so I decided to give it a listen this morning while asking the Lord to show me any light I could glean. I felt like I was singing not just to one person, but to three: myself, the world, and Jesus. The words expose the raw truth of what it feels like to wrestle with darkness—not just out there, but in HERE.

So this is that reflection—broken, honest, layered. A prayer, a confession, a cry. And very timely for me (not coincidentally 🤔)

To the World:

There was a time I believed in you.
You dressed up corruption and called it success.
You gave me idols to hail—men and women with shining images and hollow hearts.
I saw saints made of gold, but I never saw grace.
The deeper I looked, the more I saw the lie.

You said, “dream big,” but your dreams came with chains.
You crowned the worst of us and called it ambition.
The ones I admired ended up building their thrones from the bones of others.
And when the lights go out—when no one’s watching—all your heroes crawl.

You told me I could build a kingdom.
But greed was the mortar, and pride was the cornerstone.
Now I look at what I built…
and it’s not a home.
It’s a prison.

To Myself:

I wanted to be good.
I wanted to be clean.
But there’s a beast inside I haven’t tamed.
No matter what I try to become,
there’s always something darker whispering underneath.

There were moments I thought I could fix it—
mask it with religion, with performance, with smiling photos.
But the blood ran stale.
The fire turned to smoke.
The dreams turned to dust.

The truth?
I’m afraid of being seen.
If someone looks too close—into my eyes, my heart—they’ll see it.
The shadow.
The ache.
The war.

And so I tell myself:
Don’t get too close.
Don’t let them see.
Hide the mess.
Guard the ruins.

But I’m tired of hiding from myself.

To Jesus:

I didn’t want to let You down.
I wanted to be strong for You.
All this effort… all these choices… they were for You.
But I’m still not clean.
And some days, I feel hellbound.

They say it’s what you make.
I say it’s woven into me.
I didn’t ask for this war.
I didn’t choose these demons.
But I can’t seem to shake them.

And then—
There are Your eyes.
Bright.
Pure.
Unchanging.

When You look at me, I want to believe that the light You see is still in there.
Even when I don’t see it.
Even when I can’t feel it.

But I don’t know how to escape this without You.

So I’m asking—
not for judgment,
not even for answers—
but for You.

Show me how.
Because this darkness, this place where my demons hide…
it’s the only place honest enough to begin healing.

Final Thoughts

This song isn’t just about darkness—it’s about the hope of being known and loved despite it.
It’s not a declaration of defeat.
It’s a cry for deliverance.
And sometimes, that’s exactly where God meets us:
Not after we’re clean, but while we’re still covered in ash.

If you’ve ever felt like your soul is a battleground—if your eyes have ever warned, “Don’t get too close”—
you’re not alone.

Jesus isn’t afraid of your demons.
He already fought them.
And if we let Him see us… really see us…
that might just be where healing starts.



>>Your eyes, they shine so bright—I wanna save that light.

I can’t escape this now, unless you show me how.

Jesus, to You.

You are light

where I am shadow.

Your gaze unsettles me

because it sees too much—

but I still want it.

I still want You.

I need rescue.

Only You can show me how

to walk free from the cage I built.<<

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